Growth

By : Andi Bulqis Safirah

Hi! Let me introduce myself. My name is Bulqis, but people affectionately called me Ucis. I will try not to ramble too much here, as I just want to share my concerns and anxieties.

For many years, I always think that we grew in the way our parents assigned us to be. We were taught to obey many rules; all of which were based on our age level, gender, and sex. There are limits we were not allowed to do as girls, and vice versa; limits that define our roles as a person. I always thought that these limits were nothing more than a barrier that restrained my experience as human being, but it was a responsibility our parents must do.

I had no idea if this kind of parenting was normal or not. But as I grew up, I saw that my friends’ parents were more lenient. They allowed their kids to do whatever they liked. Eventually, this made me ask, “Why were my parents so different compared to my friends’ parents?”

As I became older, the effect of these barriers made by my parents felt more real. They have total control over everything I do, even the smallest things. They make decisions of what should I do, how I do it, with whom I must live with. I have no idea how much imprisoned I am, and how many fights that ensued until I can finally feel what it is to be free. Free in terms on deciding what is best for myself, whatever it is. I believe that I am old enough to decide the best. But this shackle made by my parents has became a nightmare for me.

As a human being, I think it is natural to complaint about this. Every human being desires freedom and make his own decision. I believe that God always give the best to His servant. Although I think that other people have lenient and supportive parents that allowed them to do what they want, I fervently believe that my family is the best one for me. Perhaps God think I am a strong person or God wants me to be a person capable to endure hardships and guidances in life.

As I became an adult, I always wish to see the day when I tell myself, “so this is what they actually wanted from me,” or “I realize that my wish at that time was not better than what they wanted for me,” or “everything I have achieved today is because of their parenting.” I don’t know, perhaps eventually I will arrive to that moment. I believe that God has better plans for me, and one of them is by letting me be a part of this family. And perhaps God believe, this is the way I can grow.